GOD GIVEN RIGHT:
A Child Protection Story
by
Emmanuel Gomez
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Emmanuel Gomez on http://www.smashwords.com
Copyright © 2010 Emmanuel Gomez
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Vindicate me, O God,
and plead my case against an
ungodly nation;
Rescue me from deceitful and
wicked men. -PSALMS 43:1
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Have you ever lost a loved one? Imagine losing your child...
To the government.
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ONE
A Special Delivery
My wife and I made a beautiful baby girl, born April 8th, 2008. Izabela... A blessing sent to us from God. If you've ever wanted and waited for a special gift that was specially wrapped, and tempted you every chance you saw it to open it... then you might understand the anticipation that my wife and I felt. We anxiously and happily waited to see what God was sending us. The first 3-D ultra sound was the closest "hint" we acquired before actually getting to see the actual gift... A precious gift.
My wife due to pre-eclampsia was forced to have a C-section or face her chances with death. And possibly lose a most loved and cherished baby in her womb. The situation was frightening and literally death-defying. I rushed to the hospital only to be 15 minutes too late... 3 pounds 13 ounces, a beautiful baby girl. My wife was recovering, but her blood pressure was still through the roof. She had gone into labor with a blood pressure of 190. I made my way through personnel, nurses, and doctors to reach her side. I was worried for her health and didn't want to embrace the thought of losing her... I couldn't. Thank God she was ok, and only experiencing the numbness and nausea of the medications. Her pain was dulled for the moment. And our daughter was finally here, an early arrival but very happily welcome.
The maternity ward is supposed to be a place of joy, love, the welcoming of new life, and addition to the family. This process should be as pleasant and inviting as possible. A happy experience... But this was not our case. The hospital staff had turned a birthday party, and a moment of congratulations into a complete intrusion of hospital territory and the hospital’s routine work shift. I was asked to leave at exactly 8:59 pm, "visiting hours are OVER" I'm told. Now take in mind, my wife is recovering from her C-section, and my daughter is being observed for any complications. She is being determined where to be sent for further treatment, since she is premature and requires a neo-natal specialist. And I am being asked to leave by a medical assistant. I don't believe they teach common sense and human decency at her medical school or nursing program, but I'm just taking a long shot here... people make normal mistakes and I didn't want to let a small disrespectful gesture protrude in the matter at hand. The doctor politely steps in on my behalf, and I am allowed to remain by my wife’s side. My wife and I decided it would be best to have my daughter sent to Children's Hospital, a well recognized hospital with respected doctors in the neo-natal field. My wife would remain at the current hospital and be further observed until her blood pressure could be properly stabilized. Mother and daughter would be separated by 20 miles. "Daddy" would go and make sure our daughter was safe and being well taken care of in her absence.
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TWO
High Blood Pressure
Day Two... Juggling between, being a father and being a husband. Simultaneously and in two different locations. Both the girls of my life are in the hospital and I want to be there for the both of them. I’m torn between the two, so I sacrifice myself and attend to the both of them as best as I can, to the best of my capabilities. I am not fortunate enough to afford a vehicle, and so I rely on public transportation (AC Transit and BART for those in the know). So I make my way across town, and leave my daughter’s side to go and get her a bottle of “Mama's finest” breast milk (home brewed and special blend). I get to my wife's side only to find her weak and feeling sore. I watch her eyes confess the pain she's in, and the desire to be with our daughter... Our precious daughter. I try to console her and explain to her how our daughter was being cared for, and brought calm to all her doubts. I tell her that the baby looks just like her, and that she's the cutest baby... and smart like her Daddy. This brings a smile to her face and comfort to her heart. I ask her what the doctors have told her about her condition, and ask her how they have been treating her. She responds the same as any child would explain algebra, she honestly didn't understand what the doctor’s report meant. So she can only tell me that they told her that she could go home in a few days. She then would be able to visit the hospital where our daughter was staying. She also tells me that the nurses have been rude to her, and that they don't understand the amount of pain she's in... The way they talk to her to do things that she can't do, makes her upset and causes her more pain. This made me feel terrible for her. I couldn't believe the un-compassion in the hospital staff. It was the second incident since we'd been there, where they showed disregard and lack of respect. So I asked at the front desk to speak to a manager, and requested a grievance form (conveniently there was no such form). So I had to make my grievance verbally to a staff manager that took my complaint as a joke, and actually suggested that my wife and I might have initiated the rude remarks and behavior of their staff... So now I was left reconsidering my decision of choosing this hospital in the first place, and decided I had made a horrible mistake. I couldn't believe it was possible to make a birth such an ugly experience for two new and happy parents. I was disgusted with the hospital and their staff, and I was sure to God thankful that I was not paying a dime or nickel for this treatment (a special thanks to Medi-Cal). I then was asked to leave at 9-pm on the dot, the finger hand actually struck nine when I looked up, as the nurse told me "visiting hours are OVER"... Could the air turn any staler? The stench from the hospital became nauseating.
145 over 90... My wife’s blood pressure had surely improved, but not to the point where it was stable. But to my amazement and disbelief the doctor felt she was ready to go home. Now this is my personal opinion and observation, but doctors are human beings who study charts and follow other doctor's established methods of treating patients, rather then treating the patient on an individual basis themselves, and specifically to that person. So instead of actually studying the patient and seeing that she's not well yet, her routine method of 3 days post labor and then go home method will suffice... Which, it didn't. I had to rush my wife to the ER two days later with a blood pressure of 199! She
obviously hadn't become stable yet and the medicine she was prescribed did not procure the results she needed, nor what the good doctor ordered. We left the ER that night after she received a dose of medicine injected into her blood stream, and her blood pressure came down to 130 or so. Which, is more within normal limits. I watched her medicine dose schedule from then on with more caution, and decided to disregard medical routine recommendations, and gave her a dose every 6 hours instead of every 8 hours. Which meant 4 pills a day instead of 3... Problem solved.
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THREE
Call Security
The visitor lounge for neo-natal and ICU is a place that is generally crowded and filled with worry. Not the greatest place to be, nor much less the perfect hangout. To our luck it was intended to accommodate parents who chose to stay over night with their child. So a stiff leather pull out chair would be our place of rest for the next few nights, or until our daughter was ready to leave... Stiff necks and sore backs was what we woke up to every morning, not to mention the headaches that are caused by poor sleep, when forced to sleep in a noisy and bright environment... Not the greatest feeling. Until the morning when we were rudely awakened by the heavy shout of a 6 foot 2, 230 pound man shouting "EVERYBODY GET UP! WAKE UP! THIS ISN'T A HOTEL." Now you tell me... I'm in a parent lounge, designated for parents who have a child in either ICU or the neo-natal unit. Both of which are serious matters and painful for the families. The fact of the visitor lounge being uncomfortable to add, doesn't justify the anguish of what everyone in the room is feeling. And then to be woken up by a security guard at 6:40 am! Now I'm not a morning person, and a bit grumpy in the mornings if you ask my wife, but this was ridiculous! I was outraged, and I told him to stop yelling. He quickly responded with, "Get your butt up, this ain't a place to sleep, go sleep in your own home." Now I'm not sure if his ignorance to where he was, or maybe just the fact that he has a job had gone to his head, but he obviously had no sense of reasoning... but I could be wrong. Either way I tried to reason with him, and explained that I was a parent, and that I had been told by my social worker (designated by the hospital) that we were welcome to sleep in that area. Since we live about 30 miles away, and transportation was a difficulty getting to and from the hospital. He stormed out of the designated area and swore to get my attitude taken care of, he would speak to my social worker about my not wanting to obey his orders to get "my butt up" (as he put it). This was going to be a long and bumpy ride, I could smell that stale stench in the air again, only this time I was sore and extremely tired.
*Ring Ring* A meeting was called and we were told it would be a meeting to discuss goals for our daughter being discharged, and that it was urgent. (Since there had also been concerns for issues regarding accommodation, or the "sleeping incident".) When we arrived, we were brought to a special room, designated for meetings. A large table with chairs all around it stood in the middle. We sat with the hospital social worker, a charge nurse, and the head of security. I was a bit surprised at the intimidation tactics that the head of security pervaded, and attempted on me. It was a bit humorous... Some people take their jobs a bit too serious. Honestly. So he explains to me that he will not tolerate any disrespect to his staff, and that I will be banned from the hospital if I do not follow his orders... I gently approach the situation, as best as possible, being that I am being taunted, provoked, and pushed to feel inferior to this hardened, over-weight man. I explain that my social worker (which is sitting in the same room and hasn't uttered a word) had explained to me that I could stay over night, and that I could sleep in the parent visitor lounge. I explained how his staff was very disrespectful in the way he approached the situation by yelling, and that it was un-called for. But I was practically speaking to myself, because all he could reply was, "are you going to follow the rules?” I guess I was being ignorant, or maybe I was just being misled and set for failure. Because for the life of me, I had no clue of what he was talking about. He explained that I had to be up by 6 in the morning, and that it was the rules for the lounge... I could have sworn it wasn't in my parent handbook, or even posted on the visitor walls, nor much less explained to me by our social worker. I turn to her and asked her if this was true. She said she hadn't known that these were the rules, but that since now this "fine" gentleman was stating that they were, that I had to agree to follow them or that I would be banned from visiting the hospital... For the love of God, someone tell me, am I losing my mind? Am I the bad guy in this scenario? Did I forget my code of conduct, or did I land on crapville island? A place where doctors and nurses have their own set of rules and bylaws, to which the outside world has no knowledge, understanding, or even the privilege to be a part of... For the love of God. So basically I must wake up by 6-am, or be forced to not be welcome to even visit my child that is in a serious life threatening condition? And still have to pay for the services of this un-sympathetic hospital... Bless your heart Medi-Cal.
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FOUR
Dial Tone
For weeks I hadn't seen my daughter. I chose to never spend another night in that hospital, for fear of being banned. I had decided to not be in that negative atmosphere if even for just a visit. We prayed our daughter would be able to come home soon, and would call frequently to see about her progress. My wife would call every night and throughout the day to check on her. I would speak to her doctors to get a better understanding of her health and her treatment. It wasn't looking good... The doctors were baffled and didn't know what to do. She wasn't holding down her feedings, and was not gaining sufficient weight compared to their "blessed" chart. I'm no doctor but I know the difference between being force fed and meal time. They over fed her and apparently busted her abdomen. Imagine how a parent might feel, when you watch people do their way with your child and they harm them. It does not justify it regardless of where you went to school, how long you went to school, where you work, nor how much salary you make a year... Failure is failure and we are all human beings regardless. So I was very upset and not pleased with her treatment. Even the fact that they caused for her to reflux her feedings, and then gave her medicines to reduce the discomfort of the reflux, and yet they never even consulted with us to ask if that was ok... or explain why. We were basically not Izabela’s parents in their minds, or they just didn't care that we were... Point blank. A few days later we were told she would be coming home soon, and we were relieved and excited. It was as if we were expecting her to be born once again. We were so anxious, that we began to call more frequent then usual to see about her progress, which would ultimately determine if she was going to be coming home that weekend. Just 2 exams and a study, and they would determine our fate. The last day of the study, I called and asked to speak to her nurse to find out the outcome of the study... *Click*. Someone had hung up on me, so I redialed... I asked to speak to my daughters nurse, and asked for the nurse's name that answered my call. Since she had hung up on me... *Click*. Hung up again... What's going on? I called again, but this time I wanted to speak to a charge nurse... *Click*. Are you kidding me? Redial... "Can I speak to a charge nurse?” And this was what I heard, "If you call here again you're going to be in big trouble mister, you're going to go to jail! If you threaten me again I'm going to call the police!" *Click*. Whoa... Is this really happening? And if so, why is this happening? I needed to report this person to her supervisor. This wasn't right for one, and secondly I just wanted to know how my daughter was doing. I didn't even visit her anymore to avoid any drama. And now even over the phone I was being disrespected like this? And made to seem as if I was doing something that I wasn’t... Is that even legal? Because I know that it isn't professional. I don't own a business, but I'm sure if I was a boss of a major business, where a paying customer is being hung up on and being talked to in the form that the woman was talking to me, it would definitely cause for disciplinary action. But this was not the case. I was actually banned from the hospital... The reason for which I was no longer allowed in the hospital, was because they claimed that I was not complying with their rules and wasn’t treating staff with respect. But that was what they said, that was in no way the truth... But I'm in crapville island, who cares what I have to say about anything. The secretary told her supervisor that I was making threatening remarks towards her, and that I was being very rude. So when I made it to the hospital to make my complaint in person concerning the receptionist’s rude conduct, I wasn't allowed passed the front desk. I was banned from the hospital over "supposed" rude and disrespectful behavior over the phone. My only option now was to have my daughter transferred to a different hospital. I couldn’t allow this kind of treatment from anyone, and I wasn’t going to stand by and allow them to take away my right to be with my daughter. So I decided to tell them in my defense, that I no longer wanted my daughter treated at their hospital, and didn't feel it was in my family's best interest. And this was where all hell broke loose... Ring the alarm.
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FIVE
Home Visit
Child Protective Services... An entity entirely to itself, and for itself. It's to say, that this agency and organization tends to taking kids from parents (which constitutes as kidnapping or child abduction) with no regards for human rights, the law, nor the moral principles of respect for life and the privacy of others. Much less a respect for God, who made marriage and intended for it to be holy and between man and woman. The purpose, for which, to become as one and procreate in this process. This CPS organization was never included in God's plan, and it is clear to see why (for those in the know). Yet our local social workers with a few years of schooling are given a position with a level of power so high, that it goes to their head... Point blank. They can take away anyone’s kid. If they have the slightest advantage, or pretext to attack and be effective, then they have themselves a paid bonus, and a raise in salary in the very near future. Along with broken families, destroyed homes, and ruined lives. (That's enough to give satan a hard-on.) Their prime target is the frequent minorities and poverty stricken families that don't have the means or the voice to defend themselves, which makes them an easy target. I catch myself in their cross-hairs, and I am in for a big treat. Now, what I have gone through has been your worst case of bad luck, crappy situations, and poor work ethics... But the thought that this was enough to intervene in my family, and take away my daughter is absurd. I am actually a little humored by the completely rude and ignorant gesture. That it has entertained me enough to believe that anyone could be so vindictive and evil, as to want to take away my child from me and my wife... So I agreed to meet with the social worker with Child Protective Services, who had called me to schedule a chance to meet in person and interview me. I would use this opportunity to voice my discontent with Children’s Hospital. We would meet at my home, on a sunny summer afternoon... What could it possibly hurt?
She's a friendly, quiet, well spoken, and educated woman... A wolf in disguise. She explains how the hospital had made a call to her agency, and that the hospital was concerned about my behavior. She asks me about my relationship with the hospital, and asks my version of the situation. I explain how the hospital's refusal to acknowledge myself and my wife, in our daughters care and treatment, has caused me to want to transfer my daughter to a different hospital. I explain the poor level of treatment, not being informed about our daughter's change in treatment and updates, and the lack of respect for our family. The fact, that they disregarded us as parents, and treated our daughter as an independent child. After all I was banned from visiting my fragile child at a most significant time in her life. She is only 6 weeks old, and has never been with her Mommy and Daddy completely. She needs both her parents to be by her side... This has impacted our family as a whole. My wife's post partum depression has been partly triggered by these events which have kept her from her child. I have become over-whelmed by the chain of events. All the responsibilities of attending my recovering wife, consoling her depression, to maintaining her health, and keeping her blood pressure at bay. Then having to deal with the specifics of my daughter's health and treatment. And to top it off, the level of disrespect and in-consideration from hospital staff in every style, shape, and form. She actually, for the moment, understood me and began to compliment me on my commitment to my family. It was amiable, and I was assured by her, that she in no way was going to take my daughter away. And that she was only doing her job to follow-up with the call that was made to her agency. She explains that she has to keep the case open for a routine 30 days, and that after which she would be closing out the case. And if I needed anything I had her phone number. It was a pleasant visit... She seemed very nice.
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SIX
Hospital Influence
At this moment I'm dealing with the weight of the world. I am searching for a possible hospital that would take my daughter into their care, and hopefully it would be closer to home. But my wife is not fully grasping what is going on, with the chain of events that have occurred. My wife was born with an extra chromosome... Which is diagnosed as triple-X chromosome syndrome. What that means is that she has a slight learning disability, and does not fully comprehend things at a normal rate. You wouldn't even notice her disability until you observe the difficulty she has in filling out forms, or reading complex and antagonizing paperwork. She has to be told numerous times a specific subject, before it actually sinks in and she can understand it... sometimes it may only last for a short time, and eventually she forgets the whole subject. It can be rather difficult at times. Especially when explaining serious issues and getting her to be on the same page. But her condition also adds a factor into her self-esteem, and causes her to have insecurities, by way of feeling "stupid"... especially when people are rude to her when she has to ask or be asked a particular question numerous times to understand. So she struggles with this disability, and I myself struggle with it too... Indirectly but most definitely. I try explaining to her how we have to transfer our daughter to a better hospital, but my wife does not agree with this decision. She's been told by the social worker, and the doctors at the hospital, that if we were to transfer the baby to another hospital she may die! She's told that our daughter is a medically fragile baby, and must be treated by professionals. She is told that the only hospital with such credentials is Children's Hospital. This is what my frightened wife is told, and buys into it as if it were on sale... At this point it becomes a power struggle between my wife and I, and she feels she's the mother and has the right to decide for her daughter's safety... Daddy must hit the backstreet, on this one. As hurtful as it is to have your wife choose to listen to a "professional" rather than her husband, I can only accept the blame on her condition for wanting to go against me. The doctor's advice to her to not transfer our daughter, is more based on money and reputation, rather than my daughter's safety... And the truth is that Lucile Packard Hospital in Stanford is another well credited hospital (with possibly greater health care professionals) that can treat our daughter. My daughter in no way was facing death, or had any danger that prevented her from being transferred. Her condition was fragile, but not life threatening at this point. She was greatly improving, and was close to being released from the hospital. But when told by your daughter's doctor the contrary, and not knowing between truth and deceit (due to a slow comprehension) it can easily persuade a person to follow medical advice instead of embracing "possible" death of your newborn child. She love’s our baby girl, and doesn’t want to risk putting her life in danger... That was the reality she was believing. And no one was going to change her mind about it. And even though the hospital had banned me from seeing our daughter... My wife was still welcome to visit her. And visit her she does.
*Ring Ring*... The social worker from Social Services (or CPS) was calling me to inform me that it was necessary for me to be taught how to operate an oxygen monitor that my daughter would be taking home upon discharge. And also I must complete training for infant CPR, as a precaution. Since I am banned from visiting the hospital, I must obtain the training on my own, and at my own expense. I explain to her my financial situation and the inconvenience of having to pay... I am disabled and only receive a monthly social security check. (My financial status is almost obsolete.) I barely make enough to get by. So she tells me that she will see if her agency can pay for the classes, since I'm not accountable for not being allowed into the hospital to attend the classes. Which I thought was very helpful, and I thanked her for her help. My wife would be receiving the training at the hospital, and would be fully aware of how to operate the oxygen machine, and how to apply CPR incase of an emergency once the baby was discharged. Things seemed to be in place, and working fine. My wife and I were working on our relationship, as I was still upset with her decision to keep the baby at Children’s Hospital. The strain of birth and post-partum depression had also taken a toll on our intimacy and communication. We were working together to make things better between us... A slow but worthy cause. We were both very anxious to have our daughter at home, and not have to deal with the hospital staff any longer. We were tired of hospitals. We were informed that our daughter would be coming home the following Friday... Finally! We were very excited, and we started making arrangements right away.
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SEVEN
Change Of Plans
I ordered a cake (tres leches de banana, strawberry, and limon) and had a special "Welcome home Izabela" written across it. My cousin, who lives about 45 minutes away, was going to help bring our daughter home in her car. She helped us get groceries and necessities for the welcoming party. Everything was set into place, and relatives had been invited to a celebration and welcoming to the family... Our newest member "Izabela". Two proud parents, getting everything ready for mija's big day. Her birthday party. That's when my wife gets a call from the CPS worker... There has been a change of plans, and our daughter will not be getting discharged after all. My heart dropped, and my stomach knotted up. This was awful... my wife began to cry. I couldn't believe it, I didn't understand how, or why this was happening. I was devastated. We we're asked to go to the hospital and speak with the doctors about planning a future discharge. The social worker promised me that she would get me a pass to enter the hospital, so that I could speak with her doctors, and get a chance to take the required trainings for my daughters discharge. I agreed to go to the hospital, under the condition that the CPS social worker would be there with us. Partly because I believed she had my family's best interest at heart, and also because I wanted her to observe how the hospital treats us. And possibly have her serve as a witness for me and my family. (I had been considering suing the hospital at this point.)
Five episodes... Five incidents where my daughter aspirated and failed to breathe. Her condition had apparently grown worse over the course of two days! Or so we were being told... I found it hard to believe. I felt they had other motives to keep our daughter longer. They were making a fortune on hospital bills! My daughter had been in the neo-natal unit 2 months already. She was supposed to have gotten released over a month ago. But even if that were not the case, why were we not informed that our daughter had stopped breathing for a period of up to 20 seconds? Five different times! This is what the doctor describes to us at our meeting, with no emotion or sign of sympathy whatsoever. All this in front of a CPS social worker who looks appalled at the thought of a well established hospital failing to meet the needs of two concerned parents. My eyes meet hers as she slowly comes to realize what I've been explaining to her. I softly say "Do you see?" loud enough for only her to hear... She nods her head. To my amazement she speaks out in our defense and lets the doctor have her piece of mind. In that instant, my voice was acknowledged and heard... But only through the voice of a social worker who works for the county. But never the less, I was finally heard. My wife was in tears at the thought of our daughter stopping from breathing, and the thought of losing her... We hadn't even been notified. My wife was beginning to feel disgusted with the hospital, and wanted our daughter transferred immediately. The tension towards the hospital and the doctor was intense. The doctor was forced to leave the room, and assured the social worker and my wife to have our daughter transferred to another hospital... My wife rushes to my arms and cries in my chest. As I try to assure her everything will be ok. She apologizes for not listening to me, and for not wanting to transfer our daughter sooner. But I quickly tell her not to worry about it. Our daughter is our main concern... I forgive her.
We arrive to Lucile Packard Hospital along with our daughter. We are respectfully greeted and attended. The atmosphere was noticeably different compared to Children's Hospital. The staff at Lucile Packard were far more courteous and friendly. We had a much better feeling about our daughter being there, rather than at Children's Hospital. Her new doctor asked us various questions about her health, and answered the major concerns we had. I explained in full detail her previous treatment and health issues she has had. And also included recent problems she had begun having. Her belly button had produced a hernia which I was not aware of, until finally seeing her again for the first time since being banned from Children’s Hospital. The doctor explains that it is quite normal for newborns to develop umbilical hernias within the first few weeks after being born. But I explain that she is 9 weeks old, and has developed the hernia in the past week or so. He explains that this must have been caused by vigorous crying, where the abdomen tightens and pushes against the umbilical wall. I am surprised and become upset... Our daughter is very quiet, and sleeps for most of her time. (Which is normal behavior for a newborn.) The only time she cries is when she wants to be fed, or have her diaper changed. And my problem with this, is that she has been in the care of trained and employed nurses. And they have failed to properly attend to her, apparently... They must have ignored her cues, and painful cries. Or she would not have produced a hernia. She must have been left unattended for long periods of time, or just purposely left to cry. A cry so painfully loud and unanswered... I can only pray for forgiveness for not being there. For not being by her side to answer her cry. My wife holds our child in her arms, while I record video of them. I sure hoped this hospital was not like the other. The doctor has reassured us to keep us posted on all updates, and to be included in the treatment plan. He gives us a good vibe, and we feel a little bit more at peace. I just wanted this whole ordeal to be over with, and go home... Together.
* * * * *
EIGHT
Angry Worker
*Ring Ring* I called the CPS worker to keep her updated on our daughter's care. I thanked her again for helping us get our daughter transferred to a better hospital. She asks about the discharge planning, and I tell her that it all depends on how her recovery goes, and how she does on the test results. As of now everything was looking good, and we were expecting a period of about 2 to 3 weeks before being released. She had already been taken off of the oxygen mask and improving. I was told by the CPS worker that I must find an in-home nurse for my daughter's after care. I did not know about such requirement, but I told her that I would look into it. I was going to ask my new hospital social worker in regards. Our conversation was short and pleasant, nothing out of the ordinary. I made my way to my class. (A training to become a peer counselor.) I attend group meetings and program trainings on how to deal with mental health clients. My goal is to reach youth who suffer from depression and destructive behavior. I myself suffer from major depression disorder, and I know what it feels like to be stressed and depressed to the point where one becomes self destructive. At this point in my life I am making better choices, and have positively changed my life around... With much help from God and my wife. Who has given me a reason to smile and enjoy life. And now becoming a father to a beautiful child, has given me added purpose and direction for my life. My desire is to be a positive example and role model for other youth. And this desire has taken me to getting trained to become a peer counselor.
My wife was beginning to spend more time with our daughter at the new hospital. She tells me all about her visits, and shows me new pictures. The baby will no longer need to take home an oxygen machine, and is doing really well. She hasn't had any new episodes. This was great news, and it felt like our daughter would be coming home soon. It's almost hard to believe. The CPS worker called again to inform me that I needed to find an in-home nurse. She had found one of her own and had her in place, ready to go. I didn't like the idea of a CPS in-home nurse, and I politely told her that I appreciated her help but that I would like to find one on my own. I was going to see if I could find a Spanish speaking nurse. Since my wife and I are both Hispanic parents, and want our child to learn to speak Spanish as well. (This is a cultural thing.) She explodes... she snaps back with contempt, "I did your family a favor, so now you need to do me a favor, and allow my nurse to follow up with your child." I began to feel uncomfortable, but I understood her completely. I had been very thankful with her help, but I had a cultural preference. And her nurse did not fit the description I was looking for. I tried to compromise, and I told her that if I didn't find a Spanish speaking nurse, that I would go with her nurse. She agrees to this, and we finish the call on good terms. I was starting to get a bad feeling about the way she was acting. Her tone had left me with a bad impression, and I didn't appreciate the hostility. I would look for an in-home nurse as soon as possible.
I left my new hospital social worker various messages regarding discharge plans. As well as, concerns for help finding a Spanish speaking nurse to follow up with Izabela. All to no avail, and no returned phone calls. I receive a call from Izabela's doctor concerning her discharge... She will be released the following Monday. The joy quickly fills my body, and I was completely excited. I asked the doctor what time she will be released, and she tells me that I can come pick up our daughter at any time on Monday, the later in the evening the better. (Due to the busy mornings.) I explained to the doctor that I was attending classes for employment, but I would try to be at the hospital by 6-pm. "That's fine. Most parents work jobs, and usually come after work to pick up their children, not a problem." I hung up shortly, and gave my wife a call to give her the good news... She couldn't wait! This anticipation to have our daughter at home had gone on for far too long. It's been the longest expectation from the very beginning, and now the time has finally come for our daughter to come home. Our daughter was going to have her Mommy next to her, and be held an enormous amount of times throughout the day... And night. Her Daddy also wants to smother her with kisses and love. And she deserves it. My poor daughter hasn't had her mother's love near her for most of the fragile moments of her life. She has been deprived of her parents... Who adore her! I can't imagine the pain and confusion she has been going through at such an early age. I can only imagine the psychological effects that it will have on her, and pray she turns out ok. I don't want my daughter to have trust or abandonment issues. This was all going to be over soon, and life was going to get better. I placed my hope in God.
*Ring Ring* I answered a call from CPS. I am told to be at the hospital by noon to go over discharge planning with her and hospital staff. I told her I couldn't make it to the hospital until about 6-pm. Since I had a class finale, that I needed to attend in order to receive a certificate. “If you are not there by noon, I am going to take her into my custody.” she tells me... Are you serious? “You can't do that, I already discussed this with her doctor and she told me I could be there in the evening." I responded. For some odd reason she didn't believe me, and begins arguing with me that I must do as she says. I hadn't seen this coming... I thought she was our friend. But obviously she was now threatening to take away my child. I became irate. "You don't have a reason to take my daughter, I need to attend my class so that I can get a job and provide for my family." This wasn't ancient hieroglyphics or obscure arithmetic... I think I'm being rational. "Well it looks like you're going to have to miss your class. What's more important, your daughter or your class?" She hollers back. I wasn’t too sure she understood my responsibility in supporting my family, or at the very least the idea of compromise. I decided to negotiate with her, "I will have my wife be there at noon. I won't be there until after my class. I will try to get there right away. You know I don't have a car." My friend had agreed to take me to pick up my daughter after class. (He attended the same class.) But this did not help my situation. She again, very rudely and without empathy, told me that she would take away my child if I wasn’t there. "I don't have to be there at noon, I can be there at anytime on Monday. I already talked to the doctor. I have to provide for my family, I'm trying to better my life. What's wrong with you? Are you ignorant?" This is where she became very explosive... "You don't know who you're messing with. I have the power to take away your daughter and put her in foster care. I told you this is my job, I don't take it personal. I really don't care about your daughter, or your family. I could care less. You either do what I say and be there, or you can deal with the courts." I really hadn't seen this coming... She had seemed so friendly and concerned. How could someone be so false, and hide wicked intentions. Two faced doesn't give a description justice... More like snake fits better. I gave her my piece of mind, and asked her how she could live with herself. To go home to her kids and husband, while at work she's a devil in the flesh... I asked her how she would feel if she were in my shoes, and were faced by having her kids taken away. She didn't give me an answer, but her silence was enough for me. I know one day it will catch up to her. What goes around comes around. The Bible teaches that "we reap what we sow". And every evil deed we commit in life has to eventually be paid for... And this I trust.
Sunday night, my wife spent the night at the hospital with our daughter. She wanted to be there for her discharge, and didn't want to be late... So she stayed the night. In the morning things were hectic as always. The busy morning schedule, and the fact that it's Monday... A lot of catching up to do from the weekend. My wife was feeling cheerful and excited. She got breakfast, and returned to our daughter's side. The baby's nurse and my wife, had been conversating much over the past weeks, and had become acquainted. They were discussing how exciting it was going to be to have our daughter home finally, when the hospital social worker suddenly showed up. She spoke to my wife rudely, and in a hostile tone (the baby's nurse noticed this as well) "Your husband has been leaving me a lot of messages. It seems he's angry that I haven't returned his calls. I don't like his attitude and I will have security escort him out, if he acts like how he did at Children's Hospital." My wife notices a security guard standing by the door. My wife tells her, "He is only concerned for his daughter. You haven't returned his calls, and I know he has been trying to reach you. I don't know why you have to bring security with you. We haven't done anything." My wife try's to keep herself calm. The worker rudely responds, "I spoke to you about her discharge, and explained everything to you. I don't have to speak to him. You should communicate with him, and tell him what I told you. There's nothing else for me to say to him." Which wasn't true, there was still a lot more to speak about. Such as finding an in-home nurse, help filling out forms concerning medical insurance, and explaining information on future follow up visits. My wife told her this, and explained my concern. "He feels like you're ignoring him. I told him a little bit of what you told me, but I didn't understand all of it. He has his own questions he wants to ask you." Nothing out of the ordinary, just a few basic concerns. A phone call of no longer than 10 minutes would have been enough, but I guess maybe it was not part of her salary. (And she obviously wasn't doing charity.) The worker became frustrated, "I will not tolerate your behavior, and you need to leave the nursery. I will have a talk with CPS about your disrespect. Someone please get security." The hospital worker was obviously flaunting, and expressing her power to have her removed. My wife became upset, and started to look around the room. To her comfort, everyone in the room was feeling the same way as my wife. The nurses were disgusted with how the social worker was acting. So my wife decided to speak out and tell the social worker how she felt. “Do what you have to do. I haven't done anything wrong. I have witnesses.” The worker stormed out... In a ball of fire (more or less). The nurses came near my wife and gave her supportive words of encouragement. They were all very sympathetic, and were busy down-talking the social worker. But they quickly changed the subject to focus on what was more important... Our daughter was finally going home.
* * * * *
NINE
Emergency Hold
What happened next is indescribable... Only horror. "Your daughter isn't going home with you today. I am placing a hold on your daughter. You are no longer allowed to visit her here at the hospital, and tell your husband as well. You are both banned. If he comes on the premises he will be arrested. You both need to attend a meeting tomorrow to discuss where your daughter will be placed." These words echoed, over and over in my wife's brain until she began to hyperventilate. She began to have what is called an "anxiety attack". Tears erupted, and it became uncontrollably hard for her to breathe. A tiny grin appeared on the face of the CPS worker, who not only a few weeks ago was consoling her fears about our daughter's health conditions. "I'm sorry" she adds with her smirk... The sarcasm only adds to the pain in my wife’s chest. My wife leaves the room, bumping into walls, and almost collapses along the way. My poor wife was heart broken. To her surprise a security guard was standing near by, waiting to approach her. The CPS worker came out of the room, and got along side the security guard. It was time for my wife to leave the hospital. She was no longer allowed to be there, or see her daughter... My wife begins to plead with the CPS woman. She begs the worker to at least let her see her daughter. "Why are you doing this? I thought you wanted to help us. Now you say you're going to take away my daughter, and with no emotion. You know how much we've gone through, and how long we've been waiting to take her home with us... Why?" Tears ran down her face and sobs of sadness filled the air. And for a short moment the CPS worker became somewhat human. She allowed my wife to be able to visit the hospital, “But only as long as you tell your husband not to come to the hospital. If he shows up, he will be arrested.” The CPS worker insists on banning me from the hospital. And my wife having no choice, agrees to this... She doesn't want to lose her daughter. If even just the chance to see her, and be by her side, she will do whatever it takes.