NOTES TO MY DAUGHTER
David Dixon
Published by CherryMoon Publishing at Smashwords
Copyright 2010 David Dixon
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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NOTES TO MY DAUGHTER
Living Life and Avoiding Pitfalls
Contents
LESSON 3. The Power of Networking
LESSON 4. Relationships with Men
LESSON 5. Everything That’s Good To You, Ain’t Good For You
LESSON 6. You Don’t Live Off Anyone Else’s Love
LESSON 7. Never Stop Growing as a Person
LESSON 9. Financial Responsibility… Taking care of Yourself
LESSON 10. Helping Others and/or Lending Money
LESSON 11. Learn the Meaning of the Word “NO!”
LESSON 13. Avoid Self-Destructive Behavior
LESSON 15. Don’t Doubt Yourself
Author’s Note
This book was started in April 1997, a month after my daughter Kenadi (pronounced “Kennedy”) was born. I decided then that she was so precious I had to create something to (hopefully) help her avoid many of the pitfalls in life. These lessons are what I came up with. Now...if only they will work.
Dearest Kenadi,
I love you so much. You are one of the most wondrous things in life I could ever ask for or receive. You were a gift from God. Mommy and I tried to have a child for almost five years before we were blessed with you. She had two miscarriages during those years. I had no idea it would be that difficult to start a family. Sure, I knew about miscarriages, but I didn’t know they happened so frequently, to so many people, until it happened to us.
This kind of brings me to one of the things I want to share with you about “life”. There are many things in life you will hear about, but really won’t pay great attention to unless it happens to you or someone close to you. Some of this is understandable. You shouldn’t waste time worrying about everything and even if you wanted to, you couldn’t.
However, there are many things you should think about. Life has a way of putting obstacles on your path that you will not be able to avoid. The trick is to learn how to avoid dragging additional things onto your path, either intentionally or unintentionally. Trust me: there will be enough obstacles that come your way without you contributing to that list.
On the other hand, my darling, there are things in life that you should pay attention to whether or not they are impacting your life right then. Some may impact your life later on, others may pass you by. Paying attention to these things can help you become an aware, passionate and caring person. It can also save you a great deal of personal pain down the road. You are probably wondering, “What the heck is Dad talking about? What things?
Well, Kenadi, there is no one answer. You’re going to have to find out, to some extent, what these “things” are on your own. Some of them you’ll read in these pages. And you’ll follow them. Perhaps years from now, you’ll even thank me. Others you’ll choose to ignore and will suffer the consequences, and then realize that you should have listened. You may also find that Dad may have been very wrong about some other “things”. But this is all right. This is what learning is all about. I don’t want you to feel that you cannot or should not take risks. That is not the purpose of these lessons.
In fact, I encourage you to take risks. But when possible, take calculated risks, not foolish ones. You don’t walk out onto a freeway with earplugs and a blindfold on during rush hour traffic and expect to get across alive. If you truly must cross that highway, then you want to do it in the smartest way possible so that you reach the other side. My point is that there are things you must weigh and consider before jumping out there.
My whole purpose in writing this is to give you a little head start in life. I’m sharing what I’ve learned in the hope that you won’t have to experience some of the pain and anguish I’ve endured. And so that you’ll avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made. But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped learning or stopped trying not to make mistakes. At least I try not to make the same mistake for the same reason. Sometimes the mistake may not be so bad, but your reaction to it is what makes it worse. For example, you’re driving and you run a red light and a policeman sees you and starts to pull you over, but you panic and try to get away. The initial mistake was a dangerous one, but the second one was very foolish and will cost you more than the initial one.
There was a very popular song titled, We Fall Down, and in it was the line, “We fall down, but we get back up again”. I think you get the picture. In life, you will fall. Count on it. But it’s what you do after you fall that make all the difference in the world. For instance, you chose a job and then get laid off from it. Yes, you’ve fallen. But if you went to school and got a degree, or trained in a special field before you lost the job, your chances of finding another one are generally pretty good. Just understand that it is often the preparation before the fall that allows you to recover more quickly after the fall. But if you’re out of work and haven’t developed any skills or gotten an education, then this is an example of what can cause you to end up in more trouble after a fall. I want you to know that your Dad is for you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be successful (whatever that means to you). I want to make sure that you feel loved. And I want you to know that it is okay to fail, as long as you get back up and try again. I want you to know that it is not okay to give up on life. Don’t waste time hating your enemies. Instead, spend that energy on bettering yourself and others so they cannot have power over you.
Well, my dear daughter, I hope you find many of these lessons valuable and I hope you apply them to your life as needed. As I said, there are things in life you will have to, and should, find out for yourself. But some things just aren’t worth finding out for yourself. Quite frankly, if you insist on finding certain things out yourself, the damage and harm you’ll cause yourself and others can’t be undone. It can’t be changed, taken back, or reversed. Worst of all, you may never live to see the lesson learned. Example: driving drunk. If you die, it is too late to learn the lesson that driving drunk kills. So I ask you: is it worth the risk of finding out yourself by personally experiencing driving drunk? To see if, in fact, it will kill you? I think not. More importantly, I hope you think not. You must always ask yourself, throughout life, if finding something out, proving or disproving it, is worth the risk? Everything you learn in life does not have to come from having it happen to you. It can come from listening to certain people, looking at other people’s lives, reading books, networking, and last but not least, recognizing and appreciating the things you are blessed with in your own life. So, let the lessons begin.
LESSON 1. Trust God
Life is a journey. Recognize it and plan for success. ~ David Dixon
I put this first because while I think everything in this lesson is important, if you read no further than this paragraph, you will probably be alright. The first thing I want you to do is trust in God and trust your own instincts about things. Get in touch with yourself; that gut feeling. Learn it. Know it. Trust it. Hear it when it speaks to you and follow it. Lots of times that little voice you hear inside your head is there for a reason; it is not to be ignored. And if you do, at least be aware that it was speaking to you. If someone wants you to do something and your gut instinct says no, then you’d better think long and hard before doing it, because many times it can have severe consequences. Always think, Baby. Always, always think about what you are doing and the good things and bad things that can come from it. Okay? Always believe in and trust in God. I mean that with all my heart and soul. Never doubt God. His work isn’t always clear. Truly it isn’t. But He knows what He is doing and why. And many times you may not.
Never curse God and don’t doubt Him. He doesn’t make mistakes. People do. There are times in your life when you may feel that you are let down by Him, but you won’t be. It may be because you try things and those things won’t work out. But other times they may. Just know that He always has a hand in your successes in life. Believe that. Bank on it! I want you to love yourself, and believe in God and the spirit of love, faith, kindness, generosity and caring that He spreads throughout the world. I want you to understand that what goes around comes around.
There is another saying that is applicable here: You may not get everything out of life you work for, but you will work for everything you get.
LESSON 2. Friendship
Some friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. ~ Unknown
Generally speaking, you will attract people to you who are similar to you. If you are trash, you will attract trash. If you are a drug addict, you will attract drug addicts and drug dealers. If you are a great athlete, you will attract other great athletes. (Read up on Cheryl Swoopes, Danika Patrick, Annika Sorenstam, and Serena and Venus Williams sometime).
Of course you will attract other types of people too, but generally, you attract to you that which you are. Sure, there are a few weird exceptions. For instance, bad people attract good people who want to save them, or understand them, or want to arrest them. But they will not stay around a bad person for too long. Once they see they cannot make him or her better, they’re gone.
Surround yourself with people who can help make you a better you. Develop the type of relationships with close friends that thrive on honesty. This means that you will not always want to hear everything they have to say, but it doesn’t mean you don’t need to hear it; especially if they are for you. Listen to what they have to say, consider it when appropriate, and then you make the right decision for yourself. You will be able to do this because you are a very smart, intelligent, and perceptive young lady.
When I talk about surrounding yourself with people who can help make you a better you, I’m not talking about using people. I am talking about developing healthy, mutually beneficial relationships. Please note the emphasis on the word “healthy”. Lots of people have mutually beneficial relationships, but they aren’t necessarily healthy. A drug addict and a drug dealer have a mutually beneficial relationship, but it definitely is not healthy.
Friends should be like a circle. They help protect you from trouble. They help keep you inside the circle, and on the right path for success. They help push you when you need to be pushed and hold you back when you need to be held back. They will hold you when you cry and cheer you when you succeed. Unfortunately, you will not find too many of these people. So, cherish them when you do find them.
When times are going well, you will always find plenty of “fair-weather” friends, but you’ll notice they are gone when things are not going well for you or when you’re not in the limelight. For example, when I played basketball in high school, your daddy was one of the most popular guys in the school. I had my pick of so many girls to take out or talk to. But then, basketball season ended, and so did your daddy’s swollen head. Why? Because when I stopped to think about it, most of those girls weren’t around before basketball season. They were talking to the football players and hanging out with them. It was football season. And now, here it was after basketball season and most of those girls moved on to the track and baseball stars, because now it was track and baseball season. Don’t get me wrong, I still had a group of friends, but it was a noticeably smaller one. This was one of the times when I truly learned to value friendship and understand and recognize what true friendship is versus what it’s like to have people attracted to you solely because of what you’re doing at the moment.