Letters In June
Michael Scott
June 2, 2006
Jennifer,
I can’t stop thinking about last night. I feel so proud of you and how far you’ve come, how strong you’ve grown. Although I can’t help but think that if your parents ever found out … it would be me lying on the side of that road instead of Mark. You’d think they’d be proud to know their little girl was growing up. I know I am. I want you to know that I’m as excited about what we did last night as you are, you were right, this was the beginning we needed and I’m ready for the next step.
You know this hasn’t been easy for me but I remember what he did to you, and what your parents both did as well. How they all smothered and hurt and drugged you. You were chained down to their emotionless world of black and white when you should’ve been soaring through the red skies above it like you finally are now. Hell they’ll be getting off easy, you’ve lived with this pain for 18 years; they’ll only have to feel it for a few moments. They caged you and kept you honey, we both know they did, but now you’re with me and you’re becoming the woman you always - we always - knew you could be. Last night with Mark we began our new life together.
His murder was the beginning of the end of fear and loneliness, the murder of the mousey, insecure child you were. With his blood you began your new life as a strong, whole woman. I love you honey, and now you know how much, how far I’m willing to go for you, for us.
I don’t know if this is right or not, but I can’t stop thinking about how beautiful you looked with Mark’s blood, all wet and shiny, dripping from your long blond hair as I took you on the spattered hood of his car. My god, it’s all I can do to keep both hands writing this letter thinking about it. This can’t be good, can it? Getting a hard on thinking about that? But I can’t help it; you looked so hot last night. Short cut-offs down around your ankles, your top in a bloody heap on the pavement, my hands on your soft pale hips. I look sooooo much better on you than the shapeless baggy shit you always wore when we first met.
You were so shy back then, thanks to all the meds I guess, it’s hard to believe that was only 3 years ago. I knew from the first moment, the first time I saw you checking me out in your dad’s shop that there was a rose under all those thorns. I’m so glad you opened up to me, those thorns hurt like hell, but it was worth the wait, and last night proved it.
I could barely sit still in those humid fucking woods waiting for you; of course the freakin’ ants didn’t help much. I swear they were trying to start a branch office in my ass, believe me; you don’t want to see those welts. Hot and miserable but so excited, my stomach was all fucked up in anticipation of what we were finally going to do. I thought I was going shit myself when I finally saw the headlights coming down the road. Everything went so according to plan it was scary. I thought for sure you’d forget just which one of the zillions of trees I was hiding behind, but you didn’t, did you? My sweet baby. My heart skipped a beat, and then went into overdrive as the car came to a stop.
It seemed to take forever at first. I watched as he shut off the engine and killed the headlights only a few feet away. With the full moon so bright in that cloudless summer sky I had a perfect view of you sliding over next to him. His fat ugly head turning towards you, how could kiss him without throwing up? You were so strong, you never stopped smiling, even when he reached his big dirty hand up under your top and grabbed you. That really pissed me off; it took everything inside me not to open the car door and chop that fucking hand off and feed it to him.
Running your hand through his greasy black hair and down his stupid little yellow polo shirt, I could see his breath catch as you found his tiny little dick. I was worried about that part; what if you couldn’t find it in there? We’d have had to call the whole thing off. I still think you should have brought a few Twinkies with you as a backup plan. He really thought he was going to get some last night, didn’t he? And he really did get some, the last he’ll ever have, stupid mother fucker.
I could see your arm moving up and down and his head falling back against the headrest and I knew what you were doing. I know we planned it that way and I know I agreed, but goddamn it, I got so fucking jealous. You have no idea how much rage was building up, I wanted to run screaming to the car and rip him apart like an animal. Maybe that’s why I went so “fucking psycho” on him later on, as you put it, I couldn’t help it. You’ll understand soon enough when it’s your turn. So I just sat there, watching and waiting, just like the plan, gripping that big fucking Rambo knife so hard my knuckles were turning white. I got worried for a minute; I was squeezing it so hard my fingers were going numb. I really had to force myself to relax a little, I looked away, thought about baseball. Well, it always works for us, doesn’t it? Hehe.
Mark was looking like he was about to go off, probably the first action he’s had since you dumped his fat ass for me last year. What the hell did you ever see in him anyway? Never mind, we agreed it was in the past and that once we got it back for you we wouldn’t discuss it again … but … damn!
I couldn’t hear what you were saying to him, but I watched you pull part of your halter down, releasing one of those big white tits. I thought he was going to pop like a zit watching you play with your nipple like that. I could see him begging you to keep going as your arm slowed and stopped working his lap. You knew exactly how to tease him, exactly how to draw him out into the night where I would be waiting. Waiting to show you how much I loved you with a studded leather belt and a long serrated blade.
The dome light went on when you opened the door and I could swear you winked right at me as you got out. Did you? Did you see me right there behind the tree? I saw everything - unfortunately. I watched those big firm tits, luscious legs and that tight lil ass of yours slide out the door. Then right behind you I saw him and his big floppy tits, his tiny junk buried in his fat rolls, I was right back into power vomit mode again. Thank god he opened his own door and got out; if I had had to watch him slide across that seat towards me I would have blown the whole plan by cutting my own throat.
It was almost time to play; this was the hard part, the touchy part. If he heard me coming up behind him it would blow the whole deal. You played it perfectly, I never should have doubted your … skills. No music, no sound at all but you danced like a pro, swaying and smiling and peeling off that halter. You had us both mesmerized, that innocent look as the top glided past your face, turning into a sly grin as you shook your hair out. Fuck you looked hot, big blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, nipples hard as rocks. Mark looked like he was watching a fucking goddess glide towards him, just sitting there on the hood of his car in awe, jacking himself while you worked your magic. He never heard a thing.
I crept up behind him, trying so hard not to notice you turning around and sliding those shorts down your hips as you bent over. Damn girl, where did a pharmacists’ daughter learn those kinds of stripper moves? I can’t believe how well you kept it together.
I was a nervous fucking wreck standing there on the side of the car knowing this was it, any second now you were going to give me the go ahead. My hands were sweating all over the leather belt as I pulled it taught in my grip; and then it happened. You slowly walked over with your hands sliding down your naked hips to just in front of him and then blew him a kiss, our signal that it was my turn with Mark.
Poor fucker never knew what hit him. I wrapped that thick black belt around his throat and pulled back as hard as I could. I could feel him try and fight his way forward, his hands going up to his neck, but he’d lost his balance and momentum played him right into my hands. Let’s face it girl, that fat fuck had a lot of momentum to fight against. I pulled him right off the hood and flat onto his back on the gravel road. It was so strange to look down and see my hands doing that to someone, my hands pulling that belt tighter and tighter, killing someone, for real, killing someone. I barely noticed the little blood vessels in his eyes popping, his face turning purple, his tongue flopping around in the gurgling noises. I couldn’t take my eyes off my own hands.
Thank god you were there or I probably would have lost my nerve. I felt you kneeling there next to me; all naked and sweaty and hotter than you ever looked to me before. I felt your hand on my thigh as I strangled the surprise out of him, heard you calling him those names, spitting on him, telling him you were mine now and he’d never touch your body again. Mine, you called yourself mine and it brought me back to the business at hand; the business of murder and redemption. He didn’t struggle as hard or as long as you would think someone fighting for their life would, in fact if I hadn’t been paying attention I think I would have missed it. But I was clear and in the moment again, thanks to my honey, I loosened my grip as his breathing stopped and his arms fell back to his sides.
I turned my head and saw your proud satisfied grin, your eyes almost smoldering in the heat of the moment and I had to kiss you. You kissed me back hard; your tongue in my mouth, sending me reeling. The adrenaline pumped like acid through my veins, I could feel it burning inside me. It made your touch electric; I was jumping out of my skin to get to you. I felt your hand move to my zipper and I moaned into your mouth as you pulled it down and slid your fingers inside. The tip was already wet and your fingertips slid around it like hot satin. I almost came just from your touch when I heard another soft groan, Mark was coming back around.
You released your grip and told me to roll him over while you ran to the car to grab the duct tape out of your purse. It didn’t take much time or tape to tie his legs, his hands, and gag him. It took a hell of a lot longer though to sit him up against the front fender of the car. I almost giggled as my mind raced through a dozen ‘How many coroners does it take to lift a dead fat nerd into a hearse?’ jokes. I held together honey, but just barely, things were going so fast and strange, were we really doing this? For a few minutes there I didn’t know if I could go through with it. I know what we had talked about, I know I promised you, but at that moment I kept thinking he was still breathing, we could still turn around. We could just go somewhere and make love and know that we had kicked Mark’s ass and taught him a lesson. Once again you knew what to do, how to move forward through the doubt. You took charge.
You knelt down in front of him, still so beautifully naked, and started smacking him, telling him to wake up, wake up and give it back. I could see him coming around; his eyes were so bloodshot I wasn’t sure if he could see or not until he flinched at your finger in his face. You told him this was where all thieves ended up, thieves who took advantage of the weak and stole their innocence for their own lust. Now you were free and strong and pissed off and you were there to take it back, you were going to take it back and give it to me.
To tell you the truth, we probably didn’t need to tape his mouth shut, his throat was so purple and swollen I don’t think he could’ve talked much above a whisper if he wanted to. Even if he had been able to do that, from the look on his face I don’t think he understood a word you said. His eyes were swollen and scared but confused as well. He kept looking up at me as you were talking, begging me with his eyes to translate, to explain what this was all for, begging me to wake him up from this nightmare. His eyes left mine and slowly followed your hand as you reached behind me and pulled the long jagged knife from my back pocket. He understood then, understood that no one here was going to save him or wake him; his eyes seemed to understand that perfectly through the tears that began to fall.
We were ready now, ready for the show, ready to take back what was yours. You stood me right in front of him and got down on your knees, yanked down my jeans and with a look of pure determination took all of me into your hot little mouth. I have to admit that concentration at that moment was a little difficult. The raging adrenaline fuelled hard - on I had been sporting was taking some damage from the reality that was slowly setting in. I just couldn’t get those big terrified eyes out of my head, so I tried to relax a little and leaned back against the hood of the car, closing my eyes.
I just listened for a minute as I tried to clear my head. I could hear the soft sucking and slurping of your warm wet mouth, your breath getting deeper as I responded and grew against your tongue. You give such wet sloppy blowjobs; I could feel your warm saliva running down the shaft, making your fingers so slippery as they stroked up and down faster and faster, your grip getting tighter. I was moaning now, your tongue swirling around me, driving me crazy, I started slowly pumping into your mouth. I could hear you gurgling as you took it slowly to the back of your throat, could feel it throbbing against your tongue, your hand holding tight at the base. Fuck you had me so fucking hard, pumping faster now into your mouth, your beautiful liquid mouth. You took me out and held me hard against your wet swollen lips, flicking your tongue around and around, I was so close honey, so close ... Then you just stopped. You just stopped and I heard another sound, a wet sound, a sound I’ll never forget the rest of my life.
I opened my eyes and looked down to see an arc of dark red blood jet up into your moonlit hair. I saw your arm, your hand, the knife, Mark’s throat, all of it covered in blood. “I’m taking it back now you fuck, you thief, you fat son of a bitch”, you said to him in a disturbingly calm voice, “all of it back, back into me, to give to whom I choose.” You growled low and slammed the knife deeper into his shaking throat until it came out the side of his neck.
His whole body was shaking and twitching on the ground and the blood just kept flowing in spurts from the wound. You looked straight into my eyes and brought a single drop of it to your lips; almost tenderly you licked that drop from the tip of your finger, closed your eyes and swallowed slowly. “It’s mine again,” you whispered with a satisfied smile, “now come and help me finish, Evan,” you said to me as your eyes fluttered back open, “finish him and take it from me.”
I swear as long as I’ve lived I have never loved someone as much as I loved you at that moment. I knew that you were mine and that I would do anything to keep you, anything. I reached down and pulled the knife hard from his red swollen throat, the serrated edge slicing completely through the side of his neck. He made a loud sharp guttural scream through the tape, his eyes closed tight, streaming tears and blood. I brought the knife back down. The blood was everywhere now, shooting through the air from the wound in his neck, the hole in his chest, his shoulder, his right ear fell to the gravel and bounced off my shoe. I looked over to you and saw you staring at me, eyes wide and your mouth open in surprise. It occurred to me that I was stabbing him now.
My arm was plunging the knife over and over into his now shredded blood soaked dark orange shirt, into his face, into his head. My god I didn’t realize I was tearing him apart like that. I slammed the blade down hard one last time deep into his chest. He stiffened and seemed to push his chest up into the knife even further, like he was trying to take a deep breath. He shook twice and grunted, then almost slid down the shaft to collapse onto the blood soaked gravel.
I left the knife buried halfway in his chest and turned around to look at you. I must have looked like a crazed rabid animal or something, you had a look of stunned fear on your face like I was about to turn on you. “Jesus,” you whispered, looking at his mangled wet body, “holy fucking shit.” Your eyes came up to meet mine and slowly changed from terror to pure animal lust. “Fuck me,” you demanded as you got up and bent over the bloody hood of the car, raising your ass up into the air and opening your legs to me, “fuck me now Evan, take it from me.” You were writhing against the car, your hips swaying and gyrating as I stood dumbstruck at the surreal world spinning around us. “Fuck me now!!” you yelled. And fuck you I did.
I don’t think in all my 20 years my dick had ever been this hard before. I came up from behind you and ran my hands up your hips leaving small sticky trails of congealing blood, feeling me slide up against you, you were so fucking wet. I slid it up and down the length of your shaved sweetness as my hands moved up the hot skin of your back. You looked back at me hypnotized with lust, reached between your legs and grabbed me, slid me deep into you as you pushed back hard. I grabbed your hair in my fist and slammed into you with every inch of me.
I could feel your ass banging back against me as we fucked harder and deeper and faster, grunting and groaning with each thrust pulling me deeper and deeper into you. I rode you hard until I just couldn’t take it anymore, I pulled your head back to me and grunted into your ear as I slammed as deep inside of you as I could and felt it start to throb and jerk, shooting deep into you. You groaned loud and shook all over, throwing your head back and driving hard against me as you came. Fuck honey, I love you so much.
I think one thing we can both agree on about last night - the one thing that we screwed up and didn’t plan ahead for - is that we really should’ve brought a towel or two. Those half a dozen handi-wipes from KFC we found in Mark’s glove compartment didn’t really make a dent, did they? We cleaned up as best we could, I’m not sure we got all the finger prints, but I know we got the nipple prints off the hood; they won’t be tracking you down from those. Hehe. I’m not really worried about it, we dumped the bag of X in his back seat, dropped a couple crumpled up fifties down the road. I think they’ll buy that for a while, at least for as long as it’ll take us to finish our business and get the fuck out of Dodge.
I can’t say it enough honey, I love you. Driving you home in my truck last night, looking at you staring out the window, lost in thought, I’m so happy we found each other. I know you always say that I helped you break free, gave you a new way to live your life, but you give me so much more. Last night you gave me your virginity, you took it back from Mark and gave it to me just like you said you would. Now it’s my turn. I can’t wait until next weekend with Bonnie, I’m going to rip my virginity out of her the same way you did last night and give it to you, give it all to you. This is working just like you said it would, I knew I was right to trust you.
I hope you’re feeling better; I hope the headaches have stopped. Have your parents noticed anything that we should be worried about as far as your meds go? I agree that cutting back on the Seroquel has made a big difference, but don’t cut back too much or they’ll really notice and try to have you put under observation again. We can’t have that right now. We have big plans this weekend, and of course Father’s Day is coming up fast. We’ll make it honey, I know we will. After seeing how well we did last night, I know nothing can stop us; we’re going to ride out of here into the sunset in a few weeks and live happily ever after.
All my Love,
Evan
P.S.
I’m still not sure this is a great idea with these certified letters, these are pretty much signed confessions, but if it really means this much to you, I’ll keep them coming.
June 7, 2006
Dear Evan,
I can’t tell you how excited I was when the mailman came to the door Monday with your certified letter; my hand was shaking so hard I could barely sign my name. My mother was there at the door in her perfect Mrs. Homemaker polyester pantsuit asking all these stupid questions. I wanted to scream at her to shut the fuck up, wanted to rip off the mailman’s short sleeved hairy arm and beat my mom to death with it. But I kept my cool – barely – and mumbled something about some college letters I’d sent out.
It was close though, I can close my eyes right now and picture the three of us standing in the bright sunny entryway, the warm breeze blowing in against the air-conditioning, smiling and talking. Until I reach out and grab his arm at the shoulder, pull a butcher knife out of the waistband of my sweats and hack right through his uniform. I’m still smiling and laughing as my blood spattered mother screams and he chokes and cries and struggles for his life. Saw through the meat, crack the bone and swing it hard and heavy into my sobbing mother’s wrinkled ugly face, smashing and smashing until her head is just a hairy bloody pulp of mascara and Oil of Oley.
That seems so familiar to me. Sometimes I think I’ve already done it, that we’ve already carried through with our plan. Then I hear them downstairs, laughing at Wheel of Fortune or something and I don’t know where I am anymore, that’s when I miss you the most babe. That’s when I cry and cry and hold myself in bed wishing to the heavens that I was in your strong safe arms. Wishing I was gazing into those warm green eyes sparkling through your jet black hair, the eyes that tell me everything will be all right. I can’t wait until we can be together every night, I can hold you and fuck you and talk to you whenever I want. You’ll be my only family then. I’m going to take that back from them, babe, take it back and give that to you too.
What we did Friday night was incredible. When you first mentioned that night in April, when we first made love that you wished it could really be each of ours’ first time, I never thought it would work out this wonderfully. We tried so hard to think of a way to take back what we had spoiled and wasted on that pervert and slut; to take back the precious gift we’d thrown away. But we found a way, didn’t we babe? I can’t remember now who thought of it first, you or me? I’m sure it was you who first mentioned the blood, but you’re so squeamish when it comes to that word, so it must have been me. Funny but it seems to be getting dark in here and it’s only noon, maybe it’s going to rain, I think I can smell the rain coming in on the breeze. So tired babe, wish you were here, so tired.
June 8 – I fell asleep baby, I’m so sorry, the storms always put me to sleep. I woke up at six last night and asked my mom at dinner what time the rain stopped, she just looked at my dad and didn’t even answer; the bitch. Then my dad asked me what rain I was talking about, trying to fuck with me. They both just constantly fuck with me. I put my head down and finished my potatoes and tried hard to remember that you would never fuck with me. That’s why I love you so much, and that’s why they have to die. That’s why they all have to die, after they give back what they stole from us.
I can’t believe I used to love Mark; I was always so out of it back then, always tired and confused. But somewhere deep down I could feel my real self, caged in the back of my mind, pacing and growling, waiting for a chance to get out. My parents would never let that happen of course. Every time I would start to feel even a little bit alive, let the real Jen have even a little peak outside of her cage door, they would slam it shut with drugs and doctors. Mark helped them control me, he would tell them the things we did on our dates, all the little details, and if I was enjoying myself too much they would put a stop to it. Like the time I punched Linda at the dance, she called me a whore and I hit her, wouldn’t anybody? That was the same night Mark first fucked me in his back seat, he said I started it, the lying fuck. I was so happy to stab his lying throat Friday night. He’ll never take advantage of anyone ever again; we did a good thing baby.
The next day Linda’s mom called mine, who then just had to call Mark; he denied everything, said we were just sitting at the table and I hauled off and hit her for no reason. He denied the sex too, I told my mom he raped me but she wouldn’t believe it. She made me keep going out with him, said he understood me and knew what was good for me. After that he had me anytime he wanted, if I said no he’d do it anyway, said I was crazy and no one would believe me. I hate to admit it, but I didn’t say no that often, after Linda is when I had to start the Seroquel, and the valium, and my caged little wild Jennifer just went to sleep.
Until I met you, you helped me wake her up, you opened the door to the cell and kissed her hard, welcoming her to the real world, and she will love you forever for that. I remember the first time I ever saw you, when I was 15; you were sweeping up in my dad’s drug shop. Such a crush I had on this older man, you were what, 17 at the time? So tall and handsome and muscular, all dark and dangerous with your black bangs in front of your eyes, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. I don’t think daddy liked the attention I was paying on you though; didn’t he fire you soon after that? I hope it wasn’t my fault, no, I remember him saying something about … about … valium? Or was that what I just took? I’m sorry, my mind is wandering again. Maybe I should take another nap.
No, no time for sleep yet. Just think, by the time you’re reading these words we’ll be halfway there; two down, two to go. I can’t wait to see her die. Bonnie is the biggest slut I’ve ever seen and the thought of her diseased nasty cunt riding your beautiful cock makes me sick. I hope you chop her up as good as you did Mark, just make sure you leave some for me. I’m going to look that red headed bitch right in the eye and stab her through the mouth, push the blade all the way through her neck until it’s stuck in the bloody floor beneath her. She kissed you with those lips, sucked your dick with them; they’re coming off and going home with me.
God babe, I’m so hot right now thinking about it, thinking about your turn to take it back. Then you’ll give it to me, and I know you’re going to give it to me good and hard, aren’t you baby? You’re going to fuck your little Jen’s ass off aren’t you? I wish you were here right now; I want you so bad right now I can’t help but touch myself. My panties are soaked from thinking about you buried deep inside me like you do. I can feel the hot smooth flesh of you gliding along my tongue as you slowly fuck my mouth. I love when you do that baby, when you take control and grab my hair and make me suck you off, now you know why I always try and wear pig tails when we’re together. The whole time you’re pumping me I’m playing with myself, getting wetter and wetter as you’re gagging me. I always cum when you do babe, did you know that? I love being your slut. You are the hottest man I’ve ever known and I’m so happy you’re mine. No one will ever take you away from me.
June 9 – Morning Baby, did you sleep as well as I did last night? I have to finish this up so I can catch the mailman this afternoon. I guess I’ll have to let him keep his arms if I want to keep getting these letters, huh? Just kidding babe, I feel so good this morning, bright and fresh and feeling so loved. You do love me, don’t you? It feels so good in my heart knowing you’re out there somewhere thinking about me, missing me like I miss you; knowing we’ll be together forever soon enough.
Tomorrow is our big night with Bonnie and then next weekend is Father’s Day. I don’t think daddy’s going to like what we got him – ha-ha. If he even knew I was seeing you he’d freak, he hates you. I don’t know why, anytime your name comes up he gets so mad, and a little scared I think. I know, I promised you I wouldn’t mention your name to him, but sometimes my mom will mention ‘that boy’ and I know they’re talking about you. Whatever you told him that day he fired you really stuck with him. He gets a little pale and says he should’ve kicked your cocky ass out the door long before then. That’s my man though; you never take any shit from anyone, do you? I feel so proud when he talks about you like that, proud and a little thrilled inside knowing what’s going to happen to him, and her.
I’m going shopping this afternoon with Crystal to pick out an outfit for tomorrow night. I told her I wanted something nice and sexy to wear for you. It’s so hard not to talk to her about what we’re doing, or even tell her it’s really you I’m seeing and not this ‘Richard’ we made up from college. She is my best friend and I love her to death, but you’re right, she would never understand and we’d have to kill her too if she found out what we were doing. I don’t want to hurt her; she’s always been there for me. Not like you of course, but she always stood by me when everyone else would laugh and make fun of me. She even believed me when I told her about Mark forcing himself on me all the time, she slapped him when we broke up, slapped him and spit on him right there in the school parking lot.
She asked if I had heard what happened to him last weekend; that he was tortured and killed in some drug deal out in the woods. I played it so cool, said how horrible that was, no one should have to die like that, she actually called him a rapist and said he got what he deserved. Can you believe that? What a good friend, I hope we never have to kill her. If we do though you have to promise me it’ll be quick and painless. But we won’t, will we? I guess we can figure that out after next weekend, when we’re all finished and ready to run away together.